who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
im on a boat
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