we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
