I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
