im gay
i know
yea but for you.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
