dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
