Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Randomize
