It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
