I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
