we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
