This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
