i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
