He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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