i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
