RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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