The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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