Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
