I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
