I'm gonna have a badass scar
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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