at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
