Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
