I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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