well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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