Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
