We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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