the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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