goodnight i made you a song goodbye
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
