Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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