Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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