the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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