Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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