yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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