Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
