I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
