I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
