She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
