currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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