Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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