well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
