Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
