omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
