Your face is a jimmy john
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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