You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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