Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wish i was in the wii world.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
