I would go down on you faster than GM stock
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
