Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
