I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
