Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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