Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
