I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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