I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
