he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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