The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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