Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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