Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize