Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
MIDGETS
????
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
