Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
