So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
