she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
