My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
