yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
id be glad to
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
