Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
