I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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