my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
