hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize