oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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