i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
