Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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