the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
