Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
