I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
