Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
