Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize