Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
