Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Damn victory sex feels great
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