i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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