Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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