just tell him i said nine months
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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