Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize