I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He did a backflip because drugs
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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