I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
